No Fear

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Living with Crohn’s can emit a number of fears.

Will I ever get better?

Will I always feel like this?

Will I be around for my loved ones?

Will I have another obstruction or worse, a perforation?

Will I die?

It’s easy to crack under the stress of this disease, especially if it’s difficult to manage, and one’s support net isn’t that strong. Even one’s brain chemistry can predispose them to a variety of mental health issues, to include anxiety and depression.

So, I must say, I certainly don’t judge anyone who struggles with fear, because I know it. I spent hours sat in hospital waiting for a procedure the doctors told me were highly likely to have serious repercussions. I had just had two surgeries, one in an emergency setting, lost twenty pounds, and had barely regained my strength. Could my body take another mishap? As hours ticked by, the head games were painful.

However, I do value facing one’s fears head on. The way I see it, Crohn’s may be able to control my body, but it isn’t allowed to control my mind. I won’t let it cripple me in fear, leaving me depressed or in a constant state of anxiety, because to me, that is no way to live.

Mental illness is a very real issue, and those who struggle with it should be medically treated. I firmly believe that, so I don’t wish to speak for those who suffer from mental illness. I speak only for myself.

I do encourage you, fellow crohnie, to face your fears. It’s easy for this disease to wear down on your mind. To be honest, these last few months have been playing at me, and I haven’t been mentally facing my inner fears. But today was a good day- the first one in a while, and at the end of it I’m realizing I need to buck myself back up and face the pain and anxiety head on. Worrying about if this treatment will work or not does nothing. Stressing if I will ever achieve remission does not get me there. So yes, there’s plenty of pain and discomfort to be had, but I can have it with a positive attitude, enjoying what I can of the world around me. There in lies the true victory.

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