#pitchslam Rowdy Days critique party

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Rowdy Days of Dom Sanders by E.G. Moore Upper MG Contemp

When twelve-year-old swindler Dom witnesses a cop’s murder and his rival Taylor’s wrongfully accused, Dom must decide whether to swallow his guilt and let the jerk go to juvie, or reveal the truth.

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3 thoughts on “#pitchslam Rowdy Days critique party

  1. Interesting pitch with great voice (love the “let the jerk go juvie” bit). It could use more stakes. Is the murderer someone he knows? What happens if he keeps his mouth shut? What happens if he tells the truth? I get he dislikes Taylor but what would possess him to keep his mouth shut about something so important? Hope these questions help you clarify the pitch. Stakes, stakes stakes.

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  2. I like this pitch, and yes, the voice is great! I would probably break it into 2 sentences for clarity:

    Twelve-year-old swindler Dom witnesses a cop’s murder and his rival is wrongfully accused. Dom must decide whether to swallow his guilt and let the jerk go to juvie, or reveal the truth.

    And then, yes, what’s bad about revealing the truth — that’s the unanswered question. Perhaps you could get away with a couple of good adjectives, though? The terrifying truth? A truth that could condemn him? A truth that could get him killed? I know you don’t have many more words to play with. Good luck! 🙂

    Twelve-year-old swindler Dom witnesses a cop’s grisly murder and his rival is wrongfully accused. Dom must decide whether to swallow his guilt and let the jerk go to juvie, or reveal the terrifying truth.

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