As I finish off the last of my bowel prep, the liquid gurgling in my stomach, I’m musing as to which procedures are the worst to undergo. Certainly a day on clear liquids followed by bowel prep isn’t pleasant, but unfortunately I’ve been through worse, as have many of my fellow bellies out there. I’m certain there are unpleasant procedures out there I have avoided, but these are the 6 worst, in order from least to greatest.
6. CT scan. Not so terrible. Just some contrast, an IV, and dye that makes you feel you’ve peed yourself. The barium x-Ray is similar minus the contrast.
5. Scopes (endoscopy/colonoscopy). They aren’t pleasant. Fasting and prep aren’t fun, especially for the sensitive tummy like mine. The day before is the worst part. Camera day consists of happy drugs. Unless of course you throw in a dilation and have a reaction like I did, then the day of, along with weeks following, feel like you’ve had karate lessons done on your abdomen.
4. Drain placement. This, for me, was done via CT scanner guiding the radiologist to the cyst. They sedated me slightly, but as I had to hold my breath at times, it wasn’t full. It hurt, but I survived without even a moan. Mostly I was afraid of them hitting a major blood vessel as I had lost twenty pounds while in hospital. This could cause major complications resulting in possible death. So thoughtful of my doctors not to psych me out beforehand.
3. Stoma bridge removal. I don’t know who lied, but I was told this wouldn’t hurt. A plastic bridge held up my stoma for the first days of its life, and someone had to come remove the stitches and pull it out from underneath my new little cherry. The person who did it tugged slowly, carefully, and oh yes, painfully.
2. Barium enema x-Ray. This is done to test the surgical site when an ileostomy is in place. So they stick a tube up your rear and flush liquid through to make sure it doesn’t leak and deposits into your bag properly. And no, I’m not sedated for this. I went into the procedure with no clue as to what to expect. I came out violated.
1. NG Tube. Yes it’s routine for us IBDers, but I HATE it! When it’s put in while awake, they thread it up your nose, down the throat, and into the stomach. Disgusting. When it’s in, you only have a small range of motion, can’t eat or drink a thing, and the clamp trials to see if it can be taken out usually involve gagging and vomiting. Try vomiting with a tube down your throat and you will see why this is number one. It’s an evil, vile tube, and I hope we never meet again! Although my chances there are slim.
So there you have it. It’s nearly three am and I haven’t been able to sleep thanks to this prep and a misbehaving belly, so I may have left some procedures out. Can’t remember. What are your worst procedures?