On the Brink

Crohnically Ill

I muscled my way through school today with minimal issues. As I shut the last car door for first graders to go home, I actually felt quite chipper. No belly ache, no bathroom urgency, no headache… Had I reached the other side? Was the worst over?

I visited my puppy who, to my chagrin, can NOT come home today as previously promised! Seriously? “Well, if his levels drop too quickly tonight he could seize and die, so unless you plan to stay up with him all night to bring him here if he starts seizing, we need to keep an eye on him.” Really? He’s been fine for 3 days. I think he’s in the clear. Poor guy gave me the saddest eyes when I left.

I pulled into my driveway, and the stomach ache hit hard. I shook it off. Maybe it was a fluke. Five minutes later it got worse, accompanied with a headache. A quick temp check showed a low grade fever. Again??

I’m still plugging away at my antibiotics, but if this doesn’t turn around soon my poor nurse will have another lengthy voicemail from me.

I must say, this disease is one for mind games. It’s incredibly unpredictable. I can take all the observations on myself possible, follow all the rules I think necessary for my health, and still have problems. And even then I’m wondering is it a flare or something else? Will my doctor have me committed for calling once again? Because I used to never call, which was my one way ticket to surgery. Should I miss a day of work to rest? Will that even do me any good and be worth the trouble? Should I go on a liquid diet? Should I take NyQuil and give up the evening with my kids to sleep?

Like I said, mind games. At the end of the day, this disease is not only different from person to person, but different FOR each person. Over time my body changes, and with it my learning curve for what I need. Fingers crossed this is all nothing and I will be all better in a few days. *twiddles thumbs nervously…

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